Lifeless, Dull and Gloomy

We are busy people and we oftentimes say that we don't have time for this and for that. Things that we have that we became used to on having them or people that we encounter everyday or those persons who have been with us since birth.

Once you have started working, most of your time is spent to work. Ten hours a day you are stucked in the office doing your daily tasks and 3-4 hours are spent on the road as you commute from your house to your office or vice versa. Once you get to your house, you spend an hour fixing your dinner and 2 hours doing your laundry. Afterwards, you go back in front of your computer to do take home jobs that didn't finished in your workplace and is in urgent deadline for the following day. At the end, you spend 2-3 hours of sleep and if lucky enough, four.

Then you wake up, prepare to work, go to work and cycle goes on and on and on.

You see, we have 24 hours a day. Quiet a long day and yet seems so short for everything you need to do. If you have been playing the RPG game "The Sims", you might actually observed that your characters stats are based in real life. Your social life and happiness drops because of the mismanagement of your time.

People suffer depressions because of burning out. They get sad, frustrated and lifeless doing the same thing over and over and over again.

There is a diminishing value of interest for a certain thing. For example, today you like ice cream and tomorrow you'll liked it too. But the day after that, it'll only be 90% that you like it and keeps on decreasing as days goes by and you'll no longer like ice cream anymore.

Doing the same actions day by day will get you lifeless.

Find time for everything but that doesn't mean do it all in the same day. Today you can go out dinner with your friends and tomorrow play scrabble with your family. Give room for spontaneity in your life. Don't be a predictable person that everyone could just record a video of and just watch it over and over again.

For the past three years of my life working, i have been doing the same routine everyday. Wake up, go to work, work, go home, work, and sleep. I'm lucky enough to have fun dates when my friends call me up to have a night out or just dropped by to chat.

I have been suffering depression for the past few months and I have witnessed how badly it affected me, my family, friends and work. Depression slowly kills me and take away the color in my life, took away the smile in my face and ruined my health.

Emotional stress and over-fatigue was what the doctors told me. My laboratory tests failed (thank God) after liters(just exaggerating) of blood taken from me. I was adviced to rest but my conditioned didn't stopped me from working until one morning, I really felt sick and couldn't go out of bed.

It was then I realized how bad what I've done to myself. That day, I also realized how selfish I was to myself, thinking only about my career and forgotten about my family and friends. I think about those times that was supposedly I have spent with them. Gone.

Time gone can never be brought back. But it is never too late for me. I still have time and I want to spend the rest of it in the right way. Being spontaneous doesn't mean I am not serious with my life, it is just adding to color to it and now I'll try to bring back that spontaneity in me that had been gone in the long time. Slowly and one step at a time.